
I don't know what it is this year...but I am just not in the Christmas spirit. And, it seems, that no matter how hard I try I just can't find it in myself. I've tried shopping, decorating, giving, serving, and am just not having any luck. In fact, yesterday I was about ready to cancel Christmas. Our family doesn't even have our decorations up yet and if it wasn't for everybody coming at the end of the month for me we probably wouldn't even put them up. (at least that would be my opinion.) I also went shopping and finally told my siblings that we either needed to draw names or I was canceling Christmas because I'm not in the mood to pick out a present for all of them. I guess I've been pretty ornery lately because I wasn't in the mood for Halloween, or Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. I really am the Grinch this year. I just don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm tired of being "alone" for the holidays and having nobody special invite me to ride the carriage in Salt Lake, or see the lights...or dress up to match me or invite me to meet there family at Thanksgiving. Maybe it's because I don't feel like we need holidays to remind us of the things we should be doing everyday. Maybe it's because I want to know I have a special present waiting under the tree for me...only to find that it's not there, not that I even know what I would want it to be. Perhaps, it's because, no matter how much I do for other people I feel like there is more to be done, or that those asking for help appear to be doing nothing for themselves.
Regardless of the reason, I have yet to find the Holiday spirit since last Christmas. All the holidays between then and now have been pretty bland for me. I try to get way into them, and that doesn't help. I try to step away from them, and that doesn't help. What's a girl to do!!!?? I am thankful for all my blessings and for the Saviors birth, death, and resurrection. But I haven't caught the holiday bug...perhaps it was that flu shot I got. Nobody said that would be one of it's side effects.